lynn_heart

I want your ugly, I want your disease

2009-12-25T05:19:30Z

I'm starting to realize that I'm lonely again and I just really do not like it. I saw Jesse in the mall yesterday and Amanda kept teasing me about it, asking if I wanted to follow him and silly shit like that. I of course said no because that's weird, but ever since then I'm just like I don't know, empty. I just...I want friends. I want real, true, will bend over backwards for you and will always be there for you friends. I want them to be local, not in another country. I've never had one and it just completely sucks. I mean I have Amanda and everything, but sometimes I just get sick of her and she has other friends and such...I don't know. I don't even see any potential friends or anything, I just don't get along ridiculously well with anyone really. Is this my fault though? I don't think I intentionally push people away or anything, but what the hell do I know? Maybe I do.

I also want a boyfriend. Like now. I've never really had someone who I've had my eye on for actually being boyfriend material until Jesse. The fucking weird part is that I've never spoken to this kid. Like what the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I having feelings for this person that I don't even know? Am I just desperate or something? It's quite possible. I just know I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of telling myself that I don't need anyone. I mean, I truly don't need anyone because I do think I'm a strong enough person, but I want someone. Really, really badly. And above all, I think I deserve to have someone atleast be mildly interested in me for once in my rather short teenage life.

I AM OFF TO HOGWART'S SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY!

2009-12-15T21:37:16Z

Oh, we will snog...AND HE WILL LOVE IT!

Thank you Chelsea for one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. I love it so much and will treasure it and you for the rest of my days, I promise. <3

OUT OF MY WAY YOU SILLY MUGGLE!

2009-11-01T15:04:49Z

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE HARRY POTTER AND THE FORBIDDEN JOURNEY OPENING IN UNIVERSAL STUDIOS YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEKEKEKEKEKEKEEKEKEKEKEKEKEE

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm sorry. The inner Harry Potter fanboy is coming out that I haven't let out since I was like 11 and went to the midnight release of The Order of the Phoenix book with my mommy. I can not WAIT FOR THIS SHIT. IT LOOKS SO FUCKING EPIC. Universal Studios made one fucking smart move when they bought this shit to do a theme park because they just won over my love from Disney. Chelsea and I will be going there when she comes to see my graduation and it is going to be amazing and I will buy a wand and a butterbeer and candy and just dasmnjdsfds HOGWARTS HERE I COME BABY. YOU DIDN'T SEND ME MY LETTER WHEN I WAS ELEVEN BUT I HOLD NO HARD FEELINGS BECAUSE NOW YOU HAVE A CAMPUS IN FLORIDA AND I WILL BE THERE IN JUNE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will also find my very own Cedric Diggory AKA the perfect man there.

Don't judge me.

Accutane can suck my dick.

2009-10-24T19:52:55Z

So, as we all know, I was on Accutane for six months, right? Well, it worked wonderfully and as soon as I was finished the only thing I was left with were acne scars, so I was pretty happy. My dermatologist said my face was a bit red, but it would clear up within six months, so I couldn't complain and was happy that I would finally look good for once in my teenage life.

I was wrong.

Not even like...a month after I finish and my face looks just as bad as when I fucking started Accutane.

That is my face currently, looking like a fucking landmine field of a mess. I am so incredibly upset, you have no idea. I thought finally I would start looking good, finally my skin wouldn't look like shit, finally I could actually, you know, feel some sort of self-confidence in my face. That's obviously not going to be happening anytime soon. I could be handsome, I could look good if it weren't for my acne. I have nice features and such, but it's just hidden underneath the mess that is my skin. I hate going out in public because I know I look like shit and just fucking sadnkjadas ugh. I woke up this morning with seven, fucking SEVEN new pimples, it's just disgusting.

I told my mom that she needs to make me an appointment with the dermatologist ASAP because I'm not putting up with this shit. We spent a couple thousand dollars over the past six months to get my skin to look good and I end up with this? Hell to the motherfucking no.

I'm safe, up high, nothing can touch me

2009-10-11T23:27:13Z

You know, life is good sometimes and then other times it's just a complete bitch. Like today my mommy won 5,660 dollars from the lottery! That was completely awesome and she was just like in shock because she's literally been playing the lottery forever and never won shit. So that was sweet, we were one number off from winning 11 million, but still, 5660 is still pretty sweet lol.

The bitch part is that I have now realized everyone I ever went to middle school with and people I used to hang out with now hang out with Jesse and I'm just like...why? Why did I abandon these people? And then I remember that the large majority are pot smoking alcoholic idiots, but still, I did have fun times with them, but now they're mostly douchebags. Sometimes I deeply regret not being a "normal" teenager and seeing how stupid these people are because I honestly think I'd have a much more fun time with life and wouldn't be so miserable going to school.

There needs to be a mature kids club who hangs out all the time and is full of only attractive people. That would be freaking sweet.

Zephyr in the sky at night I wonder

2009-08-05T05:57:33Z

My mother talked to my sister tonight, like actually talked to her for the first time in a while. She says all she hears is that she's fat and ugly, that all she does is work now because at work people actually talk to her and they laugh when they talk to her, they don't treat her like shit. My nephew has a rash because he doesn't even apply a cream to his own damn child because he's too fucking lazy during the day to do it. My mother's friend is out of a hundred bucks a week from babysitting because he decided he was sick one day and didn't go into work and didn't call in or anything so he got fired. He lost health insurance for not only himself but also his child who is nine months old and will need lots and lots of fucking health care.

You have no idea of how badly I want to kill him. I want to tie a rope around his neck and just watch the life leave his body. I have never hated someone so much in my life and felt so much pity for my sister or anyone at the same time. I hate him, with the deepest meaning of the word hate and I just want this whole mess to be over, for my sister and my nephew who don't deserve to be treated like nothing by this bullshit of an excuse of a human.

My sister is starting to wake up and realize what hell she's going through at least, she just has to realize she has a choice to come home and we'll welcome her with open arms. I'm sure she knows, but she feels like she needs a significant other in her life and I'll never understand this need. Sure, I'd like a boyfriend, but if he treated me with such verbal and mental abuse as he treats her his fucking balls would be gone and his throat would be slit.

Her self-esteem is gone and I'm starting to think her will to live is slipping and it kills me. She lives now to get out of the house and to get away from him to go to work and interact with actual people. I think she's afraid about custody, about getting complete and 100% custody over Bryan and I don't know how that would work, but I personally believe she has a pretty good shot considering he has no job, his credit is so fucked up he couldn't even get a cell phone, and he lives in a shit hole of an apartment.

I just want my sister to come home so I can build up her self-esteem again and make her feel loved. It hurts me to even think of how she must feel and I hate the fact that she's putting herself through this. I want to hug her and just never let her go, she's not a bad person, she's just terribly misguided and I can't fix her if she won't let me and I hate it.

This ain't no foolishness or fuckery, I'm handling my business

2009-07-25T22:56:18Z

In an alternate universe...

Sitting across the bar, staring right at her prey

2009-07-13T23:42:36Z

FML.

Everybody's talking all this stuff about me

2009-07-04T01:50:59Z

Day One:

I arrive in Syracuse after two relatively bad flights where I felt sick to my stomach and get lost on my way to baggage claim even though I've been there before and there is only one terminal. I walk down the stairs and begin to call Chelsea, but then I see Joel, Alex, and Chelsea and Joel doing something with a wheelchair and pushing something which I later found out was Bert. I of course ignore this and am just happy to see everyone and go up and hug Chelsea and then hug Joel with his foxy new faux hawk. Lol. Anyways, next we get my bag and such and I tell Chelsea how I had to sit next to a nun who read from the Bible on my flight to Syracuse and she won't stop making jokes about it because I'm gay and watched the Gimme More music video on the way there, but the nun was nice and just smiled at me continuously which was really creepy but whatevz. Anyways we start our walk to the car and as we almost reach the car I keep looking back at Joel because for some reason he has this huge grin on his face and he's not walking beside us. I then spot a little girl in shady sunglasses and a blue top and I realize how stupid I am. I crack up and then hug Bert with all my strength and then turn around and begin to walk again and then turn back and hug her again. I was so happy to see her even though I was sleep deprived and had to pee.

The ride back to Belleville was hilarious and fun and just love. <3
We all talked for the amazing six hours it took for us to get back because we kept stopping for shit and everyone took turns playing with my iPhone for some reason. We stopped in some hick town for gas and you could totally tell it was a hick town, but anyways we then continued into Watertown and got dinner at Ruby Tuesday's and then Starbucks, which I only realized I didn't really want after I bought it and we continued on to home. Lots of funny shit was said and I miss that car ride dearly and Joel's and my arm kept getting stuck together because of how warm it was, but whatevs. Bert kept making helicopter noises with the window. The American officer was an ass.

When we got back to Belleville we dropped Joel off at his house and he invited us to soccer later and Chelsea's mom took her car back and drove us to Chelsea's dad's house. We went to play soccer not too much later and I met all of my friends again! <3 It was so great, but a bit awkward like it always is in the beginning, but oh well, it was fun. We went to Dairy Queen after and we cut Kyla Akey off on the way there as Chelsea laughed manically. We all went home and went to bed in Chelsea's living room where it was disgustingly warm. xD

Day Two:

I woke up at 8. The others woke up at 11:45-ish. Bert and I went to go get Timmy's and went a strange way at first where I thought we were supposed to cross what was apparently a train bridge. I told Bert that I knew where another one was 'cause we couldn't find the other one for the life of us so we turned around and we talked about Bert's movie star dream. We both got Iced Capps and Bert took my virginity and it was OMG wonderful. It was so delicious that I had like ten more before I left Canada. We gave each other lessons in Canadian and American history on the way home and Chelsea was finally awake. Later that day we went out for dinner at Crabby's and I stole someone's fries and it was good. Tyler was our server and he was funny and practically made the impending horrible doom of a movie that Year One was better, well him and Bertie whom I sat next to and made lovely faces and cuddled and sighed with until the damn movie was over. I lost my headphones in that movie theater. Anyways, back to dinner, Tyler made jokes about big meat coming through and that the Crabby supreme burger or whatever the fuck it was called had like 20 toppings and that he had to put a siren on top when he brought it out which is kind of hilarious or I think so. We then proceeded to get home, after stopping at the Ass and Penis for juice, and drunk our asses off with just me Bert and Chels once we got home, destroying our childhood memories of Aladdin and probably finding out a bit too much about each other playing I never. xD

Day Three:

Bert goes home. D; I wanted her to stay until Friday so we could go the McMillan's cottage and so I could spend a lot more time with my little princess, but sadly she went home. The drive to Ottawa was fun, we got Timmie's and listened to weird music that I have come to hate. Ottawa is absolutely huge and I could never live there or I would kill myself. The streets tell you where NOT to go and it's just all sorts of confusing. I mainly ignored all the signs and let Chelsea drive. We visited the Ottawa U campus which looked pretty and Chels' future dorm room! It looked very spacious and nice and that's where Chelsea will be living with the dreaded Anna. Then Chels, Bert, and I went down to the mall that I forget the name of. It is huge. It is four stories of shops and food and large. I wish I just had an infinite amount of money and I could get my hair did and get a facial or whatever the fuck they offer there and have personal shoppers shop for me as I did so. It would be nice. I bought a 20 dollar pair of jeans and Blackout and Bert bought a comedy CD by Dane Cook. I bought Blackout because I refused to listen to whoever the two of them were listening to once again. It hurt my ears. xD We went into Chapters for like an hour and Chelsea rode the escalators and Bert and I played with the farting book and then we went to the Parliament buildings and they were pretty and so was the Centennial flame. Chels took lots of pictures of Bert and I together so we could remember it all and we had fun. Chels dropped Bert off at her place and I took her up to her apartment and got water and then we hugged for like two minutes and finally said good bye. I wanted to turn back and hug her again once the door was closed but Chels and I needed to get back to Belleville. ;~;

The ride back to Belleville was eventful! We were chased by what Chelsea thought was a creepy old woman in a mini-van but turned out that she was only a woman with a head wrap. We blocked these people from passing us for a good forty-five minutes before we needed gas. She glared at us as we pulled off. Chelsea and I almost peed ourselves laughing. The gas we got from the gas station was dry, but oh well, we kept on truckin' until we got home.

Day Four:

Chels and I went and bought me new headphones then went over to hang out at the McMillans for a bit. Sarah and Ryan and I went down to her room and talked and such and then I bought Cubes on my phone, the game I am now addicted to. We talked about things I mainly can't remember, just things like what happened at the cottage while Chels and I were away and then things that happened to me in Florida which wasn't much. Then I went over to hang out with Chels at work while the McMillans went out for Greg's celebratory dinner for his awards from school and then Chels and I went back to the McMillans after she finished work and we went over to Tyler's apartment and then met his roommate and watching him play fucking Spore for the majority of an hour. We then went home.

Day Five:

This day we went out to Boston Pizza and the mall with Kirstie. It was fun, the food was decent and Kirstie got drunk! She had two fishbowls and then a shot that Joel paid for. Then when we got home and a bit later we went out to Timmie's with the McMillans and discussed everyone coming down to Florida, Chelsea inviting them all and herself. xD I don't think it's right for everyone to take a trip to come see only me, but if that's what they wanna do, I'm happy they're coming. :3

Day Six:

Street party! It was fun, of course, Chels and I's team came in second instead of first and of course Joel was on the winning team, that asshole. Chels and I did very well in all of the activities until the tug of war in which the blue team cheated, it sucked, but oh well, shit happens. We then ate and did all of the things we usually do at the street party, Chels and Joel won the balloon toss together and then we played manhunt in which Chels and I wanted to die because we ran so much. We then went and got Joel beer from The Beer Store and then we came back lit off fireworks while I listened to I'm a Slave 4 U; it was close to a religious experience watching the fireworks and trying my hardest not to start moving my hips to the beat of the song. xD

We then went out to Jessica's around eleven and stopped at Timmy's on the way, got lost on the way but eventually made it there thanks to the McMillan's GPS system! We all started drinking right away because we arrived like three hours late, but also because we wanted to. xD We got on the trampoline and jumped and such and then I remember wandering around the party for quite a while, moving from the deck to the fire and stuff like that. Then I met this girl named Taylor who has twin babies and was drunk off her ass and that was interesting, she seemed...uh...nice. She added me on Facebook. Sigh. Then Sarah and I went to the van and we heard this dumb bitch girl screaming in the middle of the road and Sarah and I got worried but then I screamed for her to shut the hell up and that she didn't need the boy she was screaming over, yet she continued to scream. xD Sarah and I then went back to the party. Um...the party went on for a couple hours, basically us just drinking and me walking from the trampoline to the deck to the fire and then eventually to the field where everyone's tents were. At the trampoline I met Jenn! She's very pretty and I think I kept telling her that and then we like bonded for the rest of the party and we hung out and such and then we eventually went to the field and played with the stereo and then Tyler came over and he was like "oh hay" and then we just like all talked and joked around and such and took pictures which are now on Facebook!

Day 7:

Eventually we all decided to leave the party and Sarah took us all home, I of course had to sit on the floor because everyone hates me and my head was in Tyler's lap as I was on the verge of passing out from exhaustion. xD Anyway, we got to Chels' house and it was locked so Kirstie offered to take us to her house where I thought she only had one bed, so Tyler offered us all the three couches he had and the futon he had so of course I thought "well, a nice bed or Kirstie's floor?" Of course I didn't know Kirstie had three mattresses so Chels and Kirt walked off to her place and I stayed in the van. Tyler and I were dropped off at his place and he took care of me and got me like water and a blanket and pillow and shit and then we talked for like 20 minutes or half an hour about Joel and the whole group and everyone and how I like fit in perfectly and how it'd be amazing if I lived there and of course I agreed and then he eventually said he better get to bed and that I looked like I was about to pass out, which I was. xD So then I woke up at about 7 when his roommate's girlfriend came over and then once more on my own at around 1 when his roommate and his girlfriend were in the shower together. That was great to hear. Anyway, they came out and talked to me for all of like three minutes before Chels came and picked me up.

We went over to Chels' grandparents and had some delicious foods and then I took a jacuzzi bath and it was wonderful even though Chelsea flooded it with bubbles. xD Later that night we watched The Swan Princess and then we went to Heroes, the local pool hall and talked with everyone and such. After an hour or two everyone went home and Chels and I drove around Belleville and discovered how fucking creepy that place is at night. There are no cars. NO. CARS. It was us and the road and the streetlights. Everything was empty. There were no people or anything and I was like "WHERE IS EVERYONEEEEE?" and then we went home after playing on a playground.

This is the day that rumors that I have slept with Tyler Rankin started to appear, Chelsea Kaitlyn Cross. :| I did not sleep with Tyler, he slept in his bed and I slept on the comfortable couch. GOT IT? D<

Day 8:

We went to Kelsey's for dinner on my last day and it was good. All I ate in Canada were those fucking sliders, I swear it. I flirted with the waitress and such and that was fun and I got a free ice cream sundae because it was totally my birthday. I told her it was my last day in Canada and she said she'd see what she could do actually. <3 She was so nice. I left her like a six dollar tip which was more than half of my meal. We then went to the McMillans and got into a water fight for some reason outside. Gregory McMillan tricked me into thinking we were trying to get Chelsea and then Joel sprayed me with the hose as I walked slowly away from him, knowing it was too late. It was horrible. I glared at him as we sat outside for our clothes to slightly dry and for towels. Greg then gave me jeans and a shirt that said "Whistle if you want to see my instrument." I didn't notice until everyone started whistling. :|

Then Chelsea started disappearing randomly throughout the time we were at the McMillans and that was weird, but I guess she had stuff to do she didn't tell us about. Everyone started showing up at around 9 or so, I can't remember the exact time, but they showed up as we geared up to play soccer. Joel and Brandon and I went to go get Starbucks and then we drove to the soccer field where everyone else arrived shortly after. Greg and I were on a team and could never beat the powerhouse that was Joel and Brandon, but we didn't completely suck which was surprising 'cause I hadn't played soccer in about five years.

I didn't want to leave ever. I had so much fun with my friends and such that leaving the fucking soccer field was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. Sarah and I hugged for like a full three minutes as she cried and I was on the verge of tears too. xD I didn't want to go and no one really wanted me to go. Joel refused to say goodbye to me so instead he just said "I'll see you later." and that really made me think and just understand how much I fit in there, it's just so amazing that I found these people and it was all thanks to Chelsea. Joel and I walked with our arms around each other out of the field and then hugged and I hugged Greg and such and even little Taryn before I got in the car with Chels and Kirstie. xD Tyler and Brandon thought I was going to the DQ with everyone after the game so I didn't get to say goodbye to them, but oh well, they know I'll miss 'em. I seriously thought I was going to cry later that night at Chels' place. I started texting Sarah, telling her how much I loved her and shit and to tell everyone that I loved them and everything and that I'll miss them, but it just didn't seem like enough. My trips to Canada are never long enough and I don't they'll ever be long enough. I miss them no matter how much I see them, but this time it just seemed like I didn't see them as much as I usually do. This trip was much too short, but I'm still happy I got to go.

I'm not going to write more because my wrists hurt like a bitch, but I think you all get the idea. xD I had fun, it was a blast, but I want to go back and I'll always want to go back. It completely sucks, but it's true. I love our little pack of friends in Belleville and I'm not happy that I'm back home.

Canada: The Return of the Bobby

2009-07-01T04:53:24Z

I miss Canada. It hasn't even been a day and I want to go back. My trips there are never long enough and it pains me to not be with everyone, having fun with them and such, it just hurts. I miss Sarah, Greg, Joel, Bert, Tyler, Jessica, Kirstie, and of course my Chelsea. I'm just so happy I met all of them, they're all wonderful people on the inside and are genuinely good to me and nearly everyone around them, with a few exceptions. I'm not going to lie, the car ride to Belleville was one of the highlights of the trip even though I was sleep deprived and had to pee, but I held it in the whole way for some reason. Seeing Bert for the first time just reminded me so much as to why I love her and the fact that Joel came just to see me (and see The States) just made me feel so happy and loved. I get all teary-eyed just thinking about it and I'm so happy you guys kept Bert a secret, because she was one of the best presents I have ever received, even if I didn't get to keep her. <3

I'll write about my whole trip when I stop feeling depressed that it's over. I love you guys and I miss you all terribly. I went out with Amanda and Jessica tonight to get dinner and it was just horrible. I mean, they had fun which was good but all they wanted to hear about was who I hooked up with when I was in Canada and they couldn't understand why all I wanted to do there was hang out with my friends. I started to get a bit angry at this point. That's one of the reasons I don't really like it here, but I still can't explain it. They don't appreciate each other, I mean of course they do, but not the way I appreciate my friends in Canada. It's like they could replace me with a drop of a hat, but we all just fit so nicely in our little group in Canada and I just love it. I love it a lot more than anyone in Canada does, that's for sure. xD

At dinner I swear I could hear Joel talking, Bert laughing and even Chelsea squirming away from something, but I'm just sleep deprived and unhappy so I'm sure I just imagined it. Our waiter did sound a lot like Joel though, it made me happy and sad at the same time, I think I was smiling as my eyes watered. xD I really need some sleep.

Love you all.

Oops!...I did it again!

2009-05-29T11:51:42Z

It is the last day of school and I feel very emotional. It has been another year when I haven't done shit and it's my fault. Sigh. I am also putting all my energy and thoughts into someone who doesn't even know me and I always do this. I hate when I do this because it always ends up with me daydreaming about he two of us together and then just feeling like shit, knowing nothing will ever happen. I'm just having one of those days and it sucks. I want a hug, I want a boyfriend and I know who I want that boyfriend to be but nothin will ever come from it.

Edit: Sorry about this post. Even I'm sick of me bitching. xD

As we go on we remember all the times we had together~

2009-05-23T15:18:07Z

So I'm kind of sad about school ending but it's for a really lame reason. It's because I won't be able to see the most gorgeous man I've ever laid eyes upon anymore. Is this not sad? xD His name is Jesse and he's just gmdfkmdsfgjdfgdfgjkmngjfng Hugh Jackman x 10234532 because I can actually see him in person every day. Well, I can for the next four days and then I'll never see him again in my life. It's kind of ridiculous because I don't even know the guy. He was in my sociology class for about a week or two before he got switched out. Anyway, he's breathtaking. Like, really. He has a body like a fucking Greek god and has a picture perfect smile and he's just perfect. End of story. I know I am in no way worthy of him because I am ugly and have the body and curves of an anorexic woman, but still. I can ogle.

This is how sad and pathetic I am though. xD I've never met the guy and I'm pretty positive he doesn't even know my name although he does seem to look at me a lot but that's probably because I look at him a lot because he's so perfect and he probably thinks I'm a creeper which I totally am. And my friend Amanda shouted "HEY BOBBY! THERE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND!" as we passed him in her car on the way to our friend Elsa's house yesterday. His fucking window was down and I wanted to die but I couldn't stop laughing. In return when I saw her ex Miles I shouted "EW! THERE'S MILES!" and he turned and looked and saw Amanda right before we sped off.

Driving around with your friends embarrassing the shit out of yourselves? Priceless.

My loneliness is killing me.

2009-04-29T23:07:25Z

And I, I must confess, I still believe, still believe~

I think I'm a likable person. I mean, I can be kind of bitchy and mean at times, but everyone is. I think I'm generally a nice, caring, generous person. Am I delusional or something? Do I have a distorted view of myself? I don't think so, but I could be wrong.

Why don't I have more friends then? xD I think I'm a bit socially awkward, but like...I don't think I've made more than 10 new friends in my last three years of high school. All of the people I hang out with now are friends I've known since middle school. Is that not sad? I mean, high school is supposed to be about socializing and spreading your wings and growing as a person and shit and I don't think I've done any of those things. I think I'm basically the same person I was in middle school. When my friends look back at pictures and think of memories from the old days they all say "WOW! I'VE CHANGED SO MUCH!" and when I say "Yeah, I remember that." I realize that I look pretty much exactly the same with my style and if the situation in the memory was brought up again I would probably do the exact same thing. xD My friends say what they would have done differently but I can't think of too many things I would have done differently in my life and if I can it's usually that I would do things that would change other people, not necessarily myself.

I know when people have found their comfort zone they don't really want to branch out and meet other people, but like...seriously? I notice other people are really staying with their middle school friends as well, not all people, but a good amount. I dunno...there are cliques at my school and I guess those play part in some friendships, but I don't really fit in any certain clique or any at all really. I'm friendly to everyone and have plenty of acquantinces but no like..."OMG LET'S HANG OUT EVERY DAY! OKAY?!?!?!" I want those kind of friends. I just want a small group of say...six people or so to just hang out with. I want no drama, no bullshit, just fun and some people to talk to and hang out with. I'd like to broaden my friendships to different people, y'know?

I dunno, whatevs. Nothing will change though and life will go on as usual. xD

The world is going to end.

2009-04-12T04:07:02Z

So I've been getting these random feelings of impending doom before I go to bed some nights. I don't know why but I just feel like something very bad is going to happen in my life again. I don't know what and I don't know when but I have a feeling something is going to happen. Of course this could just be me being dumb and thinking up things in my head when I have too much time on my hands and need to reacquire my social life that I haven't had in like two years thanks to the internet.

I blame Accutane for my problems.

I hate him.

2009-03-21T15:57:13Z

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. 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Today I realized I'm not amazing at anything.

2009-03-05T20:43:35Z

Today I realized I'm not amazing at anything, I'm just good at nearly everything that I've tried. I have no label, I have no real 'talent', I'm just...there. I have no passion for anything. The only thing I know I suck at is art and it's strange because I've been having a very STRONG want to paint lately that I've never felt in my life. I blame Julia for letting me paint on her wall.

Chelsea, you're amazing at music. You understand it, you love it and you have a passion for it.

Kyle, you're good at math and while you may not have a 'passion' for it, you at the very least like it.

I don't have one of those things. Like, I'm amazing in my English classes, but that's just because they're the easiest classes to ever exist. It's not even knowing grammar really, it's just...I don't even know what it is anymore. You read a few stories, answer some stupid questions about them like "what's the main idea?" and then write an essay about it. It's dumb, simply dumb. I got a letter saying I can go into A.P. classes next year for English and I'm just like "whoopdefuckingdoo" because it'll just be more work, if anything. I'm totally going to do it 'cause it'll look good on college applications, but still.

Anyways, in school I do well in all of my subjects because I realized that it's just a matter of doing the work . You don't need to understand anything, you just need to know the basics for that week and then you can drop them from your mind and that's just what I've been doing basically. If you asked me to do a problem that I did three weeks ago in my Algebra II class I wouldn't know how, I might know how to set it up and everything but I'd be like "uh...let me look at my book." It's bad. Real bad. The teachers aren't teaching us anything, they're pounding shit into our heads and then just expect us to remember it. That's not learning, that's memorization. I need to learn how to like...LEARN, not memorize things!

I don't know anymore. I'm rambling.

Picture quiz, stolen from Mellie~!

2009-02-17T22:12:40Z

1. A picture of you in your room:

2. A picture of you posing with someone you don't actually like:

Um, like Mel, I have none.

3. A picture with a former crush:

Lulz, none of those either.

4. A picture of you very drunk:

I have a million of these from Canada, sadly.

5. A picture of you with a parent:

I find it strange that I don't have one of these.

6. Post a picture of you on your birthday or a favorite holiday.

Every day in Canada is my favorite holiday...shut up, it makes sense.

7. The youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form:

I was such a little camera whore when I had good skin.

8. A picture of you with one of your favorite outfits.

I love this jacket, I am so happy I bought it.

9. A picture of you making a goofy face at the camera.

Sigh.

10. A picture of you edited to make yourself look more attractive.

I think I upped the contrast in this and that's it. God I miss my old skin. xD

11. A picture of you in a team/club you are/were in.

The amazingly awesome singers of Over My Head.

12. A picture of a night you regret.

Um, I don't have a picture of a night I regret, sorry~!

13. A picture of you showing off a new haircut.

...Does bedhead count?

14. A picture of you truly being yourself.

15. The most recent picture of you.

<3

16. A picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.

I look so frightening.

17. A picture you're tagged on on Facebook but not actually in.

18. A picture of a time in your life that's over, but you wish wasn't:

19. A picture of a time in your life that's over, but you couldn't be more glad that it is.

20. A picture of you with your ~~oldest~~ best friend.

21. A picture with your newest friends.

There are none in existence~

22. A picture of you when you were anything but happy.

It's not of me, but I was pretty emotional when I made this. LOL.

23. A picture of you that you had no idea was being taken.

( I was wasted before the fun even started at the party. I am so sad. )

24. A picture of you where you were a different person than you are now.

I've pretty much stayed the same, I've only gotten stronger.

25. A picture of you in a fashion "don't".

Look at any picture of me, srsly. I hate my lack of style.

26. A picture of you in a swimsuit.

SURPRISINGLY, I don't have one.

27. A picture of you drinking alcohol.

Um. I am underage. I do not drink alcohol on cameras.

28. A picture of you that you hate.

Scariest. Picture. Ever.

29. A picture of you with someone you love.

30. A picture of how'd you like the world to see you.

Hasn't happened yet. Let me get through Accutane.

31. A picture that describes how you'd like to spend every day.

32. A picture of a time when everything was changing.

Any picture from like 2003 and onward. Life went down the shitter.

33. A picture that makes your heart hurt.

Jynx. <3

34. A picture that makes your heart smile.

35. A picture of one of the best nights of your life.

I'm surrounded by motherfucking geniuses.

2009-01-11T04:34:18Z

So my sister apparently came home drunk last week, as did fuckhead, to take care of their baby and right now it's 11:35 at night and they took the baby out over 6 hours ago.

If murdering for stupidity weren't a crime I'd have done it twice by now.

Canada: The Glorious Bobby's Return

2009-01-08T03:20:37Z

Day 1:

Canadian's Don't Like Little White Boys.

Mmkay, so first very early morning in Canada happened like this, I was held up in Canadian customs for two hours because they thought I was running away from home. LULZ. I had this ugly bearded midget lady as my officer and I don't think she liked me very much because I was going somewhere during the holidays and she was sitting there interviewing a little sixteen year old boy who only wanted to see his Chelsea and get to Belleville. So after about two hours of sitting and "what are you doing in Canada?" I finally got to actually go into the airport with the normal people and attempt to find my luggage that had been sitting there for two hours. Toronto airport is huge and they had 14 trolleys that had luggage spinning around them continously. I was like "lol wtf." because all of the carts did NOT say "from Sarasota" on them, one said "from Barbados" BUT DID NOT SAY FROM SARASOTA. I was not happy, I was frightened some creepy old man was sniffing my boxers or something. Eventually I went to a desk where this poor man had two phones in his ears and I asked him if he knew where the luggage from Sarasota was and after calling a few people he kindly pointed it out to me and I wanted to give him a hug, but he looked a bit mean so I did not. So FINALLY I get out of the damn luggage claim and it's now about 1:30 in the morning and my flight got in at 11. I'm sure Chelsea and her father were PISSED, but I didn't care, I went and hugged Chelsea tightly because I was so happy to see her and not some short bearded lady. <3

Day 2:

Reunions Are Fun.

Chelsea and I arrived at her house at around 3 in the morning and stayed up for an hour settling in before we both passed out in our respective beds. I was tired as shit from the plane ride and everything and was SO happy to finally sleep. I have no idea when Chels and I woke up, but I'm pretty sure it was like early afternoon. xD We then proceeded to drop her off at work and her father dropped me off at the McMillan's house. Seeing them again was awkward at first and we watched Timothy play 007: Quantum of Solace for like 40 minutes before we got to play Mario Kart and then it was just like the summer again and we all began to loosen up. Sarah came home as we were playing and then we caught up and everything and that made me happy to see her again also. Joel and Lindsay came later and it was so nice to see Joel again, he's such a nice guy and is fun to hang out with. That was my first time meeting Lindsay and I must say that I like her also! She's kind and sweet and is funny also. After that the McMillan's and I went to the mall and then we came home at 7 and Chelsea was off of work and had graffitied Greg's room with sticky notes because she's awesome like that. Then we went to Chels's dad's house and I had my first panzerotti! It was good and Chelsea, STOP MAKING FUN OF ME FOR GETTING PINEAPPLE IN IT, I LIKE IT, BIATCH. Anyways, we then watched Casino Royale which has to be the longest moving in the history of forever. You think it's going to end three times and it just never does. It was a good movie, but holy damn, I never wanted to watch it again afterwards.

Day 3, 4 and 5:

Berry: Hell On Earth

These are the days Chels and I were in Berry. I'm not going to go into detail about it, but it blew chunks and I'm positive Chels will agree. xD
Basically, New Years Eve and all Chels and I wanted to do was sleep, we were so fucking tired from staying up so late the day before and tried to go to sleep FOUR times and some little assholes just HAD to keep waking us up. Eventually Chels and I laid down for the most uncomfortable sleep of our lives in the basement with Jesus and Aslan, the kittys we had so lovingly renamed from their horrible names Mittens and Joe Jonas. We woke up around 2 - 2:30 the next day and it took for fucking EVER to get Chelsea awake. xD At about 7 o'clock that night we went to this resort-type place thing to go snow tubing! That was a hell of a lot of fun and Chels and I debated on whether or not she was a pedo for liking the guy who pushed us down the hill at the speed of light. He was cute. The next day we all went to the Eaton Center which is absolutely HUGE and was basically like a dream, mostly because I was tired. Me, being, well, me forgot my wallet in the car because I FAIL and couldn't buy a damn thing. xD Oh! I also rode my first subway and that was a lot fo fun too. :3

Day 5 Continued:

The Day Sarah Asked Me To Determine Kyle Fitzgibbon's Sexuality

We got home about an hour or two before Chelsea had to work again. I wish she hadn't had to have worked so much while I was there, but I understand she's saving up for university and such. Anyways, I was dropped off at the McMillan's again and they were like "lol don't get too comfortable, Kyle's having a party and we're going." I was like SWEET. Little did I know, Kyle's party was going to be lame. I think it was mostly my fault that I didn't have a kick-ass time at Kyle's party though, I missed my Chelsea and I wasn't drunk. Kyle Fitzgibbon is a very interesting lad. I met him last year once I believe and never got to really know him until now. Well, in the semi-beginning of the party he gave Lindsay a lap dance which had to be one of the most hilarious things I'd ever seen in my entire life. Lindsay was absolutely terrified and couldn't stop laughing the whole way through. At about 11:45, after getting humped by both Kyle and Joel, Sarah and I went to go pick up Chels from her work and return to the party. The rest of the party consisted of those who were sober trying to get Joel and Winco out of the damn house and to keep Joel from mauling Kyle's mother to have sex with her. It was quite embarrassing and all Chelsea and I wanted was God damn Wendy's. We ended up getting McDonald's because Wendy's was closed and my stomach beat me up for it later. McDonald's and I have never gotten along, I have no idea why, but I was starving. We ended the night by watching Sailor Moon until 3 in the morning. Oh, by the way, I'm pretty sure Kyle's bi.

Day 6:

Chelsea's Much Better Party and When I Truly Discovered Kyle's Sexuality

So Chelsea worked most of the day once again and I slept in her bed on and off, waking up as soon as she got home, surprisingly. Then Chelsea was like "lol, by the way, Kirstie and Ryan will be here in 5." I was like "lol, wut?" because I looked like shit and had only woken up minutes ago. Thank the lord I had taken a shower earlier that day, even though Kirstie and Ryan didn't really show up until about 40 minutes later. xD We played asshole, the best card game ever, and began to drink. Everyone else showed up after I was good and drunk. Um, the party gets a bit fuzzy at this point, but I'm pretty sure we all hung out in various places downstairs and then somehow Kyle and I ended up in Chelsea's bedroom together. He then proceeded to say he was tired and pulled me down onto the bed with him. I was all "lulz, kay, night Kyle." and got up and stumbled my way out of Chelsea's bedroom and pulling Sarah aside and was all "kay, Kyle's either gay or bi." xD Then more stuff happened and we all began to play Lips, which is like SingStar except better. Eventually we got to Over My Head by The Fray and we all put our arms around eachother and sang into the microphones, it was awesome. xD Then somehow everyone left Kyle and I in the room alone and we were singing Poker Face when he beat my ass at singing, because I suck and I said "You beat my ass." and he replied with "Yeah, but it's a cute ass." Lulz, thanks Kyle. Everyone then proceeded to leave after a while and I ran outside in my socks like a dumbass and then it was just me, Chels, Kirstie and Ryan left, along with Alex. Somehow Kirstie and I ended up at the top of the stairs and talked about crap while Chelsea and Ryan made the most delcious chicken nuggets to ever exist, I swear. We then ended the night watching Enchanted, a very cute and good movie. <3

Day 7:

My First Hockey Game and Finding Out I Eat Like an American. Surprise.

This day started with the McMillan's and Chels and I going to the mall, as most of our days started out. xD I bought a few things and then we walked over to Chels's grandmother's house. We talked to our Kyle (non-Canadian) on the phone for a bit before it was time to eat. Chelsea kept staring at me the whole time because I apparently eat like an American, which is improper. I AM AMERICAN, BITCH, ACCEPT ME FOR MY MANY FLAWS. *cough* Anyways, we then were driven over to the McMillan's, which is hilarious because they're the next street over from her grandmother's house and we went to Joel and Mr. McMillan's hockey game! Joel scored six goals, which he promised to score for me a couple days before, I was proud of him. He then threw a puck into the seats and now I have my very first puck! I wanted to have him sign it, because for all I know he could be the next major hockey superstar, but I forgot. Oh, Kyle joined us at the game and hit on me again, asking me to keep him warm. Lulz. We then went to a little restaurant called Kelsey's and had our second dinner for some unknown reason and I think I left the waitress a tip larger than my bill. Oh well!

Day 8:

School and a Very, Very Sad Day

Chels and I woke up the earliest we had the whole time in Canada to go to her first period! It was fun, and the dress code isn't that bad, although I looked ridiculous because I put on the clothes on top of what I was already wearing. Well, we got to Film Studies and Chelsea took notes for like the first 10 - 15 minutes before we found out what movie we were going to watch. It was motherfucking Casino Royale, which we had watched six days earlier. UGH. It was bad. Chels and I both looked at eachother in like, shock and just sighed. After first (well, Chelsea's second) period, we went out to lunch and had a pretty bad pizza. The McMillan's, Joel, Kyle, Jessica and I stood together for our last picture together, which saddened me greatly and of course I had to be looking over at Joel when Chelsea took the picture, because I'm a dumbass so the picture didn't turn out incredibly well. Chels and I were then headed towards Toronto. We played asshole for the majority of the time, stopped at Tim Horton's one last time and I ended up being almost late for my plane. xD I didn't get enough time to say goodbye to Chelsea and that really bothered me. I gave her a hug and then I pretty much had to rush to customs or else I was going to be late. Last time we got to talk for like 30 minutes and such and that was really nice, but this time it was over in a rush and I hated it. I got to customs and was pretty positive I was going to miss my plane because the line was so damn long, but somehow they let me through quickly and I hauled ass through security and took all the moving sidewalks to my plane. Thank God it was delayed, but I think I arrived with ten minutes to spare. I sat next to this very, very old man with nose hairs a foot long. It was gross. I watched Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist on the plane, which was very cute and had the best damn chicken ceasar wrap in the history of forever, which was hilarious because I bought it on the plane.

I'm not happy to be home and I want to go back to Canada badly. I get to see Chelsea in February most likely when she's in Disney, but I want to go there and just live with her. xD We are non-romantic soulmates and I miss her everyday. I love you Chelsea and can't wait to come back very soon.

MEME STOLEN FROM CHELSEA! TEEHEHEHHEE.

2008-12-18T20:59:23Z

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Went to another country!

2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Oh lulz, I've never made one in my life and don't plan to.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Um. My sister.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I can't think of anyone!

5. What countries did you visit?
The mythical land of Canadia.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A motherfucking job.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 11th - whenever I got back from Canada. It was when I met Chelsea in person for the first time and had pretty much the best time ever with her. <3

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not dying. :D

9. What was your biggest failure?
Coming out to my friend Elise who then proceeded to get a boyfriend and ditch me, the whore.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I don't believe so! I got colds and stuff, but nothing serious.

11. What was the best thing someone bought you?
My mommy bought me Halo 3 and I stayed up many a nights with Kyle and Chelsea playing it.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Chelsea. <3
She's been doing such a good job at being an adult and taking responsibility for nearly everything that is thrown at her and coming over it quite easily. I'm very proud of her.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Appalled - Sister. Depressed - Sister.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Xbox-360, the slut.
And Starbucks.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Britney's new album, Circus. AND MEETING CHELSEA. And Circus, oh that beautiful CD. AND GETTING TO SEE CHELSEA AGAIN.
And Circus, oh I could listen to it non-stop all day. In fact, I have.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Britney Spears - Womanizer
Katy Perry - I Kissed a Girl
Duffy - Mercy

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder.
b) fatter or skinner? Fatter.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer.

2008 blew fucking chunks.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Caring about my school work, hanging out with friends who I've now basically alienated myself from.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Hating things and being just generally angry.

20. How do you plan to spend Christmas?
Packing for Canada and doing nothing but thinking about what me and Chelsea are going to do while I'm up there. <3

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fell out of love in 2008 and wish AIDS upon that person.

22. How many one night stands?
Eleventy-four.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
SCRUBS.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Oh, plenty of people.

25. What was the best book you read?
Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Since I already knew about Britney Spears, probably Katy Perry, I really enjoy her CD.

27. What did you want and get?
I mainly got material possessions, not things I wanted from myself.

28. What did you want and not get?
A job.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Juno or Get Smart.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I bought Grand Theft Auto 4. What a fucking waste of money. xD

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not going through emotional trauma the first week into the year. Not having a dumbass for a sister. My parents having better jobs, myself having a job. Many things would have made my year a lot easier.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Douchebag.

33. What kept you sane?
Chelsea, myself.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Well hello there Hugh Jackman, does this smell like chloroform to you?

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Presidential election '08.

36. Who do you miss?
Andrew, Chelsea, Elise.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Mikelle. <3

38. What was the best thing you ate?
Oh God, Panera Bread broccoli cheddar soup in a breadbowl. OM NOM NOM.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?
Life fucking blows and you have to learn to be strong enough to take everything it throws at you or else you just won't make it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Can't remember what I did last night, everything, everything is still a blur.

Accutane, here I come.

2008-12-05T23:56:38Z

Le sigh.

Acne medication is a bitch. An absolute bitch. I was on this stuff called Minocycline for a month and it did jack shit for my face and now I go back to the doctor today and he's like "lol ok, so you're going to have to go to the dermatologist now, pay a shitload of money and then you can actually get treated 8D " I wanted to punch him. He said that I had to be on that for a month to see if it did anything, but whatever. I kind of expected to have to get on accutane from the start because my face is getting to be absolutely horrible, but oh well.

In other news, my sister had her baby. She has the worst stretch marks I have ever seen on a woman (or male) and is fat. Really fat. It gives me infinite pleasure every time I see her gut hang out of her shirt or her ass try to explode out of her too small of pants. It is the only way I make it through the day sometimes. So my sister and fuckhead are now living with us, it makes me want to kill myself and anytime I see him I want to grab a knife and carve his fat ass.

But I resist, I'm not exactly sure why though.

Um...yeah, that's about it.

P.S. I flick fuckhead off when his back is turned. It gives me smiles.

Oh baby baby If U Seek Amy tonight.

2008-11-30T22:54:35Z

Boy don't try to front ah-ah
I know just what you a-a-are
-Womanizer

I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins
Spot light on me and I'm ready to break
I'm like a performer, the dance floor is my stage
Better be ready, hope that ya feel the same
- Circus

In my eyes, I see it oh so clear
It was long ago and far away
But it never disappears
- Out From Under

Mr. Photographer, I think I'm ready for my close-up
Tonight
Make sure you catch me from my good side
Pick one
These other hoes just wanna be me
Is that money in your pocket or ya happy to see me?
- Kill The Lights

Did I wake you?
Were you sleeping?
Were you still in the bed?
Or is a nightmare keeping you up instead?
- Shattered Glass

Love me, hate me say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If U Seek Amy
Love me, hate me but can't you see what I see?
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If U Seek Amy
(Love me, fuck me)
- If U Seek Amy

Baby, you're so unusual
Didn't anyone tell you you're suppose to
Break my hear, I expect you to
So why haven't you?
- Unusal You

Turn the lights out
This shit is way too fucking bright
Wanna poke my eyes out
If you wanna mess with my eyesight
- Blur

Now see, I'm mami
And that makes you papi
And that makes us luvi
- Mmm Papi

If you wanna just, scream
Scream your lungs out
If you wanna just, cry
Cry your eyes out
I'mma do my thing
That's what I'm about
You can cry your eyes outta your head
- Mannequin

Baby take a seat, eyes on me
This is my show
Your one and only pleasure
All dipped in lace and leather
- Lace and Leather

In no words at all
So tiny and small
In love I fall
So deep, so deep
- My Baby

And when ya walk
And when ya talk
I get the tingle
I wanna mingle
That's what I want
- Radar ( "Bonus" Track)

Take me down
And you rock me right
Spin me all around
I feel so dizzy
I fall into you
You rock me (You rock me)
You rock me
You rock me in
- Rock Me In (Bonus Track)

We're not so different
You and me
'Cause we both
Share our share of obscenities
And everybody's
Got some freaky tendencies
Hidden or admitted
'Cause we all got needs
- Phonogrpahy (Bonus Track)

'Cause I'm gonna hold on
Yeah, I'm gonna hold on
Baby, gotta keep
Holdin' on to what we had
'Cause I don't wanna move on
So I gotta hold on
Baby, because you and me
Are sinkin' like quicksand
- Quicksand

Those would be some lyrics from Circus (Deluxe Edition) by Britney Spears. Her best album yet, this album goes back to more of a "pop" sound as opposed to Blackout which was more of a..."drugged-up, let's party all night until I pass out and have to be carried back home by my bodyguards" sound. I love it. All of the songs are absolute gold, except for a couple which had to grow on me. Mmm Papi was kind of like a "LOL WTF?!" moment when I first heard it. It was just too silly, but I couldn't get the damn thing out of my head and now I love it. Mannequin is a strange song where you can barely understand what the bitch is saying most of the time, I like it though, I think it has a good sound. My Baby was very touching, seeing as she wrote it herself and it's about her babies, obviously. She wrote it in under ten minutes while on a break from recording Out From Under, which I was very surprised to learn. Go Britney, you freaking song-writing machine. Phonography made me LOL because the song is just so ridiculous, if you have a dirty mind you'll get it immediately.

If U Seek Amy is really the best track on this album and possibly a contender for best pop song ever. It is amazing. You have to listen to it to get it. It is so catchy and if you say If U Seek Amy really fast, you'll get it.

Overall, it's her best album. It has more variety than Blackout had to offer and doesn't get boring unlike Blackout because no two songs sound the same.

Favorites: All of them.

I almost got a kitten today.

2008-10-21T00:51:42Z

I almost also would have been killed dead if I brought that kitten home without asking my parents who I know would have said no so I guess I'm happy that I didn't get the free kitten from Sam's neighbors who weren't home at the time.

Yes, I do realized that was a run-on sentence.

After school today I went to McDonald's with my friends Sam and Whitney which was a really bad decision seeing as I really had to go to the bathroom ever since first period and I refuse to use the school bathrooms or McDonald's. So it was a very big relief after I got home and was able to go because McDonald's goes right through me like a damn laxative. Sam's dad recently died, as in he died last week. I want to know how it happened, but I don't think she wants to talk about it so I don't really push it.

I could slap my friend Whitney to death if she weren't a woman. Sam kept hinting that she wanted to go to the movies tonight and I assumed it was because her mom kept crying and everything and she just wanted to get out of the house where HER DAD DIED LAST WEEK. But Whitney didn't seem to get that. Instead she said that she couldn't because she had to decorate a shirt at church.

YOU GIVE UP DECORATING A GOD DAMN SHIRT WHEN YOUR FRIEND WHO'S DAD JUST RECENTLY PASSED WANTS TO SEE A DAMN MOVIE, BITCH.

I could kill her.

Anyways, there's this really scary woman pointing at me at the side of the web page, you've probably seen her. It says "NO WAY! Save HUGE on Auto Insurance!" and she's pointing at you and she just looks very frightening so I'm going to end this post before she comes out of the screen and pokes me in the eye. <3

EDIT: I'm sorry, I have absolutely no idea how to cut. <3

Also; Scrubs is the funniest show ever.

Britney Spears has taught me vocabulary.

2008-09-29T15:01:09Z

Her new song, Womanizer, has taught me a word I'd never used before but had always known existed, womanizer. It is such a fun word and really sums it all up in just four syllables. I kind of just want to go on the street and point at men and just shout the chorus at them "WOMANIZUH, WOMAN-WOMANIZUH, YOU'RE A WOMANIZUH, OH, WOMANIZUH, OH, YOU'RE A WOMANIZUH BABY." and see what happens. Idk, I think it'd be fun. I'm sick a the moment, don't judge me.

Um. Life is looking better! I may have that job at Starbucks still, Dan is just an ass and doesn't call me to let me know, he only gives me updates when he sees me in the store. xD So I basically need to go there everyday to see if I have the job yet, which I do anyway. Um. Mike transfered to a Starbucks closer to his house, I really didn't care since he was kind of always a loser anyway.

Last Friday was probably the best day of my life because I heard Womanizer for the first time when they debuted it on the radio. It's amazingly catchy and gets better with every listen, I thought it was nothing special at first but I found myself smiling like an idiot whenever I heard Britney singing. She truly gives me happiness, I don't know why. I think she's secretly an angel or something.

I guess I don't dread school as much as I used to. I sit through lunch in my fourth period teacher's class now, which makes me happy too because I don't have to sit next to the people I hate at my lunch table and I get my homework or extra work done in there, so that's good. I'm kind of becoming a nerd I guess. Well, more of a nerd.

My mother said I can go to Canada in the summer for as long as Chelsea's dad will let me, so score! I just have to actually...ask Chelsea if I can come. xD I think she'll let me, but I couldn't help but feel like a burden while I was there, but we had the best time ever nonetheless.

Bert, we must meet, although I'm afraid that if both of our insane amounts of awesomeness mesh with Chelsea's, the world will explode.

I don't care though, I want to hug your little body at least once in my life.

The end.

Bye bye Canada, I hardly knew ye.

2008-09-25T03:00:51Z

Well, as it turns out, there's a 90% chance I won't be going to Canada for school because of money troubles. I found out today that we have about 3,000 dollars in the bank and are living paycheck to paycheck now. It blows. A lot.

I'd just like to thank George Bush for being the worst president ever and getting us into this mess, thank you for limiting my opportunities because I don't have enough colorful pieces of paper.

I'd also like to thank Sarah, my lovely sister, for requiring so much money for being such a dumb ass. Thank you also for limiting my opportunities and destroying my happiness, really, thank you.

So now I'm stuck in Sarasota with immature people I'd like to stab.

I didn't get that job at Starbucks.

I can't work anywhere else because I can't drive because I don't have a car because I don't have any money.

Nobody is hiring either.

Um...so yeah. My life wasn't perfect before, but at least I had things to look forward to and now I don't even have that.

Fan motherfucking tastic.