lynn_heart

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE HARRY POTTER AND THE FORBIDDEN JOURNEY OPENING IN UNIVERSAL STUDIOS YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.







EEEEEEEEEEEEEKEKEKEKEKEKEEKEKEKEKEKEKEE

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm sorry. The inner Harry Potter fanboy is coming out that I haven't let out since I was like 11 and went to the midnight release of The Order of the Phoenix book with my mommy. I can not WAIT FOR THIS SHIT. IT LOOKS SO FUCKING EPIC. Universal Studios made one fucking smart move when they bought this shit to do a theme park because they just won over my love from Disney. Chelsea and I will be going there when she comes to see my graduation and it is going to be amazing and I will buy a wand and a butterbeer and candy and just dasmnjdsfds HOGWARTS HERE I COME BABY. YOU DIDN'T SEND ME MY LETTER WHEN I WAS ELEVEN BUT I HOLD NO HARD FEELINGS BECAUSE NOW YOU HAVE A CAMPUS IN FLORIDA AND I WILL BE THERE IN JUNE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will also find my very own Cedric Diggory AKA the perfect man there.

Don't judge me.

So, as we all know, I was on Accutane for six months, right? Well, it worked wonderfully and as soon as I was finished the only thing I was left with were acne scars, so I was pretty happy. My dermatologist said my face was a bit red, but it would clear up within six months, so I couldn't complain and was happy that I would finally look good for once in my teenage life.

I was wrong.

Not even like...a month after I finish and my face looks just as bad as when I fucking started Accutane.

( Hideousness under this cut. )

That is my face currently, looking like a fucking landmine field of a mess. I am so incredibly upset, you have no idea. I thought finally I would start looking good, finally my skin wouldn't look like shit, finally I could actually, you know, feel some sort of self-confidence in my face. That's obviously not going to be happening anytime soon. I could be handsome, I could look good if it weren't for my acne. I have nice features and such, but it's just hidden underneath the mess that is my skin. I hate going out in public because I know I look like shit and just fucking sadnkjadas ugh. I woke up this morning with seven, fucking SEVEN new pimples, it's just disgusting.

I told my mom that she needs to make me an appointment with the dermatologist ASAP because I'm not putting up with this shit. We spent a couple thousand dollars over the past six months to get my skin to look good and I end up with this? Hell to the motherfucking no.

watwatwatwatwat

WAT

I miss Canada. It hasn't even been a day and I want to go back. My trips there are never long enough and it pains me to not be with everyone, having fun with them and such, it just hurts. I miss Sarah, Greg, Joel, Bert, Tyler, Jessica, Kirstie, and of course my Chelsea. I'm just so happy I met all of them, they're all wonderful people on the inside and are genuinely good to me and nearly everyone around them, with a few exceptions. I'm not going to lie, the car ride to Belleville was one of the highlights of the trip even though I was sleep deprived and had to pee, but I held it in the whole way for some reason. Seeing Bert for the first time just reminded me so much as to why I love her and the fact that Joel came just to see me (and see The States) just made me feel so happy and loved. I get all teary-eyed just thinking about it and I'm so happy you guys kept Bert a secret, because she was one of the best presents I have ever received, even if I didn't get to keep her. <3

I'll write about my whole trip when I stop feeling depressed that it's over. I love you guys and I miss you all terribly. I went out with Amanda and Jessica tonight to get dinner and it was just horrible. I mean, they had fun which was good but all they wanted to hear about was who I hooked up with when I was in Canada and they couldn't understand why all I wanted to do there was hang out with my friends. I started to get a bit angry at this point. That's one of the reasons I don't really like it here, but I still can't explain it. They don't appreciate each other, I mean of course they do, but not the way I appreciate my friends in Canada. It's like they could replace me with a drop of a hat, but we all just fit so nicely in our little group in Canada and I just love it. I love it a lot more than anyone in Canada does, that's for sure. xD

At dinner I swear I could hear Joel talking, Bert laughing and even Chelsea squirming away from something, but I'm just sleep deprived and unhappy so I'm sure I just imagined it. Our waiter did sound a lot like Joel though, it made me happy and sad at the same time, I think I was smiling as my eyes watered. xD I really need some sleep.

Love you all.

It is the last day of school and I feel very emotional. It has been another year when I haven't done shit and it's my fault. Sigh. I am also putting all my energy and thoughts into someone who doesn't even know me and I always do this. I hate when I do this because it always ends up with me daydreaming about he two of us together and then just feeling like shit, knowing nothing will ever happen. I'm just having one of those days and it sucks. I want a hug, I want a boyfriend and I know who I want that boyfriend to be but nothin will ever come from it.

Edit: Sorry about this post. Even I'm sick of me bitching. xD

So I'm kind of sad about school ending but it's for a really lame reason. It's because I won't be able to see the most gorgeous man I've ever laid eyes upon anymore. Is this not sad? xD His name is Jesse and he's just gmdfkmdsfgjdfgdfgjkmngjfng Hugh Jackman x 10234532 because I can actually see him in person every day. Well, I can for the next four days and then I'll never see him again in my life. It's kind of ridiculous because I don't even know the guy. He was in my sociology class for about a week or two before he got switched out. Anyway, he's breathtaking. Like, really. He has a body like a fucking Greek god and has a picture perfect smile and he's just perfect. End of story. I know I am in no way worthy of him because I am ugly and have the body and curves of an anorexic woman, but still. I can ogle.

This is how sad and pathetic I am though. xD I've never met the guy and I'm pretty positive he doesn't even know my name although he does seem to look at me a lot but that's probably because I look at him a lot because he's so perfect and he probably thinks I'm a creeper which I totally am. And my friend Amanda shouted "HEY BOBBY! THERE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND!" as we passed him in her car on the way to our friend Elsa's house yesterday. His fucking window was down and I wanted to die but I couldn't stop laughing. In return when I saw her ex Miles I shouted "EW! THERE'S MILES!" and he turned and looked and saw Amanda right before we sped off.

Driving around with your friends embarrassing the shit out of yourselves? Priceless.

And I, I must confess, I still believe, still believe~

I think I'm a likable person. I mean, I can be kind of bitchy and mean at times, but everyone is. I think I'm generally a nice, caring, generous person. Am I delusional or something? Do I have a distorted view of myself? I don't think so, but I could be wrong.

Why don't I have more friends then? xD I think I'm a bit socially awkward, but like...I don't think I've made more than 10 new friends in my last three years of high school. All of the people I hang out with now are friends I've known since middle school. Is that not sad? I mean, high school is supposed to be about socializing and spreading your wings and growing as a person and shit and I don't think I've done any of those things. I think I'm basically the same person I was in middle school. When my friends look back at pictures and think of memories from the old days they all say "WOW! I'VE CHANGED SO MUCH!" and when I say "Yeah, I remember that." I realize that I look pretty much exactly the same with my style and if the situation in the memory was brought up again I would probably do the exact same thing. xD My friends say what they would have done differently but I can't think of too many things I would have done differently in my life and if I can it's usually that I would do things that would change other people, not necessarily myself.

I know when people have found their comfort zone they don't really want to branch out and meet other people, but like...seriously? I notice other people are really staying with their middle school friends as well, not all people, but a good amount. I dunno...there are cliques at my school and I guess those play part in some friendships, but I don't really fit in any certain clique or any at all really. I'm friendly to everyone and have plenty of acquantinces but no like..."OMG LET'S HANG OUT EVERY DAY! OKAY?!?!?!" I want those kind of friends. I just want a small group of say...six people or so to just hang out with. I want no drama, no bullshit, just fun and some people to talk to and hang out with. I'd like to broaden my friendships to different people, y'know?

I dunno, whatevs. Nothing will change though and life will go on as usual. xD

So I've been getting these random feelings of impending doom before I go to bed some nights. I don't know why but I just feel like something very bad is going to happen in my life again. I don't know what and I don't know when but I have a feeling something is going to happen. Of course this could just be me being dumb and thinking up things in my head when I have too much time on my hands and need to reacquire my social life that I haven't had in like two years thanks to the internet.

I blame Accutane for my problems.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. 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Today I realized I'm not amazing at anything, I'm just good at nearly everything that I've tried. I have no label, I have no real 'talent', I'm just...there. I have no passion for anything. The only thing I know I suck at is art and it's strange because I've been having a very STRONG want to paint lately that I've never felt in my life. I blame Julia for letting me paint on her wall.

Chelsea, you're amazing at music. You understand it, you love it and you have a passion for it.

Kyle, you're good at math and while you may not have a 'passion' for it, you at the very least like it.

I don't have one of those things. Like, I'm amazing in my English classes, but that's just because they're the easiest classes to ever exist. It's not even knowing grammar really, it's just...I don't even know what it is anymore. You read a few stories, answer some stupid questions about them like "what's the main idea?" and then write an essay about it. It's dumb, simply dumb. I got a letter saying I can go into A.P. classes next year for English and I'm just like "whoopdefuckingdoo" because it'll just be more work, if anything. I'm totally going to do it 'cause it'll look good on college applications, but still.

Anyways, in school I do well in all of my subjects because I realized that it's just a matter of doing the work . You don't need to understand anything, you just need to know the basics for that week and then you can drop them from your mind and that's just what I've been doing basically. If you asked me to do a problem that I did three weeks ago in my Algebra II class I wouldn't know how, I might know how to set it up and everything but I'd be like "uh...let me look at my book." It's bad. Real bad. The teachers aren't teaching us anything, they're pounding shit into our heads and then just expect us to remember it. That's not learning, that's memorization. I need to learn how to like...LEARN, not memorize things!

I don't know anymore. I'm rambling.

 

So my sister apparently came home drunk last week, as did fuckhead, to take care of their baby and right now it's 11:35 at night and they took the baby out over 6 hours ago.

If murdering for stupidity weren't a crime I'd have done it twice by now.

Le sigh.

Acne medication is a bitch. An absolute bitch. I was on this stuff called Minocycline for a month and it did jack shit for my face and now I go back to the doctor today and he's like "lol ok, so you're going to have to go to the dermatologist now, pay a shitload of money and then you can actually get treated 8D " I wanted to punch him. He said that I had to be on that for a month to see if it did anything, but whatever. I kind of expected to have to get on accutane from the start because my face is getting to be absolutely horrible, but oh well.

In other news, my sister had her baby. She has the worst stretch marks I have ever seen on a woman (or male) and is fat. Really fat. It gives me infinite pleasure every time I see her gut hang out of her shirt or her ass try to explode out of her too small of pants. It is the only way I make it through the day sometimes. So my sister and fuckhead are now living with us, it makes me want to kill myself and anytime I see him I want to grab a knife and carve his fat ass.

But I resist, I'm not exactly sure why though.

Um...yeah, that's about it.

P.S. I flick fuckhead off when his back is turned. It gives me smiles.